Dressed to Impress?

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The team at Tricker towers has laid down the sartorial gauntlet. With three award nominations on the cards for the Banana Ban campaign, and an equal number of glitzy PR awards ceremonies to attend, the team suggestion is that the boss solves the ‘I haven’t got a thing to wear’ dilemma by wearing…. a banana suit.

It might make matters more interesting if we win anything. Instead of worrying that she’ll trip over her vertiginous heels on the way to the stage, she’s have to waddle – or bunny hop – her way to the podium.  She rejected our suggestion that we go ‘retro’ in dungarees with hankies tied in our hair singing ‘Robert de Niro’s Waiting…’

It wouldn’t be the first time she’d made questionable outfit choices at black tie events. At the recent Press and Journal Gold awards she donned a pale dusky pink dress with metallic thread through the fabric. (The fashionistas in the office were impressed. According to them, pale dusky pink is very AW16. Boss didn’t like to tell them she’d had it – unworn – in the wardrobe for about eight years when it was undoubtedly not ‘en vogue’, Or perhaps she truly is ahead of her time…)

It was upon exiting the taxi that the realisation that everywhere she went she’d leave a puddle of glitter hit her. Glitter was over everything she touched.

Bubbly and entertaining host Steph McGovan  - the one off the TV not Sandra from accounts or your kids’ primary school teacher (you had to be there!) - asked everyone to introduce themselves to those around their table with a hug.

“Don’t touch me!” she shrieked at her poor neighbour as he threw his velvet evening jacketed arms wide open. “It’s not the first time a woman’s yelled that at me” he replied.

So big apologies are due to Rainbow Taxis for the glitter pond she left behind … twice …. And to staff at The Marcliffe who will undoubtedly have to retire one of the chairs on table three … And to Teresa in the office for turning down her ‘shall I hoover you?’ offer the next day in the office when the glitter seemed to be still seeping from the boss’s pores.

She’s got ‘previous’ with award ceremony outfits; frequently being found in a hotel room ten minutes before an event starts either finishing off a dress she’s made or making radical alterations. There was the time she decided she didn’t like the sleeves she’d put into a dress and managed, using the hotel sewing kit, to make the dress ‘sleeveless’ while everyone was already at the cocktail reception.

Once she made a dress with a ‘bustle’ at the back (trust us, it wasn’t as eccentric as it sounds…). Pity she forgot that she had to sit in a mini bus from Altens to the AECC to get to the Northern Star Business Awards. Sitting sideways on the back seat brought on her travel sickness…. It was a long journey. She had the best posture of anyone on our table through as she had to perch on the edge of her chair all night.

But her closest shave with black tie fashions came at a glitzy ‘do’ in Manchester.  The black sequinned evening shoes were eye catching but high maintenance. Climbing the steps to the stage was tricky as the steps were steep and so narrow you could only get the ball of your foot down. So she had to adopt a ‘ tip toe’ approach – difficult to do in all fairness when you are already wearing 4” heels.

Ascending had been a challenge but she had a descending plan in place. She’d go down sideways foot over foot. All was going well – if slightly slower than planned – until they began to announce the winner of the next award. Realising that the winner would need the steps themselves, she decided to take the last two steps in one ‘elegant’ movement.

To this day she says if she closes her eyes she can still see the horrified expression on the face of the man on the top table as she hurtled towards him clutching a glass brick in her hand. 

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